We often get so swept up in the routine of life that we take our marriages for granted. Thankfully Allah has given us a perfect portrait in the Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him and his family) to help break that routine. Here are five practical and powerful lessons from the Messenger to help rekindle our relationships.
1. Smile Often
The Messenger of Allah (Peace be Upon Him and his Family) used to smile often, so much so that his companions would say they never saw anyone smile more than him (1). It's easy to forget how powerful a simple smile can be. Whether we are husbands or wives, we all have long and strenuous days. Instead of bombarding your spouse with complaints on first sight, engage them with a smiling face. The Messenger of Allah (Peace be Upon Him and his Family) even told us that a simple smile is an act of charity (2). To learn more about the power behind smiling, checkout this amazing TED talk by Ron Gutman on the Hidden Power of Smiling.
2. Say Sweet Somethings
Our beloved Messenger (Peace be upon him and his family) would say “Whoever believes in Allah and the day of Judgment let them have positive speech, or keep quiet" (3). It’s very easy to nitpick at our spouses. We are around each other all the time. Instead of searching out faults, point out their positive qualities. Try making it a new daily habit of complimenting your spouse.
3. Don’t Get Angry
When Ali (May Allah Ennoble his Countenance) married Fatimah (Peace be Upon Her), the Messenger (Peace be Upon Him and his Family) gave him amazing words of advice. This advice was so important that the Prophet repeated it three times, saying “Don’t get angry" (4). He did not tell him control you anger, but told him not to get angry in the first place. We get angry at our spouses for the silliest things, from how they squeeze the toothpaste bottle to how they wash the dishes. Chill out. Instead smile and say something sweet.
4. Go Out Together
The Messenger of Allah (Peace be Upon Him and his Family) would spend quality time with his spouse. He didn't live a separate life under the same roof. He would go on walks with his wife, travel with his wife, and seek her advice. He would engage in stimulating conversation. When was the last time you took your spouse out for a nice dinner (not talking about curry in a hurry) or went out for a cup of coffee? If you live in the NJ area I heard a Muslim couple just opened a nice coffee shop. Start there this weekend: www.roastingpostcoffee.com
5. Say "I Love You "
The Messenger of Allah (Peace be Upon Him and his Family) was not afraid to profess his love. Our religion is built on it as God states, “My love is guaranteed for two who love one another for My sake” (5). He would often speak of the great affection he had for his wife Khadija (Peace be upon her). ”Her love was given to me as Rizq", he was quoted as saying (6). Many of us are probably unable to recall the last time we said it to our spouse. That’s not prophetic.
So there you have it: Smile, say something sweet, don’t get angry, go out together and say “ I love you”. To learn more about the perfected model in the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his family), join us on November 3rd at : A Portrait of the Prophet
1. [Sunan al-Tirmidhi, 3574]
2. [Sunan al-Tirmidhi, 1879]
3. [Al-Bukhari 11:308; Muslim, 2:18]
5. [Ahmad, 4:236]
6. [Al Bukhari, 45: 6431]